Ministering to People who Partner with a Victim Spirit
- Bill Kline
- May 2
- 16 min read
--adapted from the following article by psychologist Tara Whitmore. [Comments in brackets are Bill Kline’s]
This blog is written primarily to those who are doing Sozo Ministry. It deals with those who need deliverance from the lies and wounds that give a "victim spirit" a foothold in their life.
I found the original article by Tara Whitmore to be instructive. The words in blue are my words and the words in black are from the original article. Sorry this is so long. Hope you find it useful. Pastor Bill Kline
People who act like the victim when they’re at fault usually display these 8 behaviors.
By Tara Whitmore January 4, 2025[1]
Isn’t it fascinating how some people seem to slip into the victim role like it’s their second skin? [It is a ‘second skin’ --the discarded skin of the snake! It’s a spiritual issue and must be addressed spiritually.]
Even when they’re clearly in the wrong, the narrative somehow shifts—suddenly, they’re the ones who’ve been wronged. [This behavior was first noticed in our ancient ancestors, Adam and Eve. When they had sinned, acting on the snake’s enticement to eat fruit from the forbidden tree, God asked Adam what he had done. Adam lied (his second sin) blaming Eve and Eve, taking her queue from Adam, blamed the snake. See Genesis chapter 3.]
It’s not a coincidence, though. This behavior often follows predictable patterns, making it all the more intriguing to dissect. [I have found this article useful in discerning the operation of a victim spirit. I am not qualified to diagnose any psychological condition. I don’t see partnering with a victim spirit as a psychological issue as much as I see it as a spiritual issue. The influence of a victim spirit or any evil spirit can produce psychological outcomes and behaviors, usually something we call sin.]
In this piece, we’re unpacking eight key behaviors that signal when someone might be playing the victim card. [As Christians, we are more than conquerors. Greater is He (Christ) who is in us than he who is the world (speaking of the snake and his minions). We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength. We are overcomers in this life. All of these statements speak to our identity in Christ. Therefore, when our attitudes and behaviors do not reflect these truths, we are in need of “spiritual therapy” (deliverance and inner healing along with a good dose of repentance). The victim spirit is openly welcomed in our modern western society. As Christians, we cannot partner with this spirit. We must resist it and drive it away. Get ready to put on your spiritual armor and stand up and fight!]
1) They deflect blame
It’s a common trait. [See comments above about Adam and Eve. This behavior is as old as sin. In fact, it was the second sin, if you’re counting. The first sin was to violate God’s command not to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. After committing the first sin, Adam and Eve were ashamed of their nakedness, which they had never noticed up to this point. They were disconnected from God who created them. Nature abhors a vacuum and so it is spiritually as well. The spirit of fear rushed in to fill the place where Shalom (wholeness and well-being) had once been.]
Those who habitually play the victim card, even when they’re at fault, are experts at deflecting blame.
In psychology, this behavior is often linked to an inability or unwillingness to accept responsibility for their actions.
It’s a defense mechanism – a way to protect their self-esteem and maintain a positive self-image. [In Sozo ministry, we go after the deeply rooted lies that cause a person to believe they are not protected or that they are not good enough for God and His unconditional love. Helping them renounce such lies, forgiving anyone in their lives who perpetrated or ‘fed’ the lies and accepting God’s Truth brings the potential for freedom. John 8:31-32. Freedom is dependent upon “continuing in Jesus’ words”, whether spoken to you personally while reading His Word (the Bible) or while in 2-way conversation (as in a sozo session.) Nearly all defense mechanisms are based on the lie that says, “I am not safe.” or “It’s not safe to be me in this situation (i.e. “I have to be something else.” or “I must do something to protect myself.”) When a person is not trusting God to be safe in any given situation, then the enemy will find an opportunity to get this person to partner with a victim spirit, a controlling spirit, etc. To help this person, we must recognize the issue is spiritual and must be addressed spiritually.]
For instance, if someone messes up at work, they may quickly point fingers at others or external circumstances instead of owning up to their mistakes.
It’s important to recognize this behavior for what it is – a form of manipulation and evasion of accountability. [What is the spiritual root? If this is not explored, no lasting change in behavior will be seen.]
Understanding this can help us respond more effectively in such scenarios, and perhaps even guide these individuals towards healthier behaviors. [For a person to get free from a victim spirit, they must have a ‘gotta wanna’ or you are wasting your time with them. This sounds harsh to a “mercy heart” but it is true. Even Jesus asked a man who was laid by the pool of Bethesda daily for 38 years, “Do you want to be healed?” (Note, in the Berean Study Bible, it says, “Do you desire to be made well?”) You can read the story in John 6:5-8. The man gave Jesus a “victim spirit” answer but Jesus must have detected a desire to be healed and He healed the man. I believe this reveals that Jesus discerned the man had a ‘gotta wanna’. This must be our approach when dealing with people who partner with a victim spirit. Can you discern by the Holy Spirit whether they have a desire to be free? You should also notice that this is one of two or three cases where Jesus also told the one He healed or delivered to stop sinning lest something worse come upon them. John 6:14. The story does not tell us what sin the man must stop committing. We can only speculate, so let’s leave it as a mystery for now and move on.]
2) They’re always the underdog
I can recall a friend of mine who would always position themselves as the underdog, no matter the situation. [This positioning as underdog can be associated with a deeply seated self-identity lie that feels like “no matter how hard I try, it’s never enough. No matter how much effort I put into it, I never get rewarded in kind.” This is the perpetual underdog. Never good enough. Never valued as she/he should be. Never recognized for who they are. They need to know how God sees them. In sozo ministry, we seek to follow the Holy Spirit to find out who/when the person partnered with the lie. Help them forgive anyone involved. Renounce the lie(s) and ask for the Truth that will set them free.]
Even in scenarios where they were clearly at fault, they’d paint a narrative where they were the ones being wronged.
It was as if they were constantly stuck in a David versus Goliath story, where they were perpetually [a defeated] David. [In the true biblical story, David was victorious! The person who partners with a victim spirit cannot enjoy victory or share in the victory of others. See “never enough” above and below for more insight.]
For instance, there was a time when they borrowed my car and returned it with a huge scratch.
Instead of apologizing and offering to pay for the damages, they immediately launched into a sob story about how the road was slippery, there was no proper signage and so on.
While it’s true that everyone can have a bad day or an unlucky moment, in their case, it was a recurring theme. [“Recurring themes” are one clue that you are dealing with one who partners with a spirit of fear, a victim spirit, a controlling spirit, or any evil spirit that produces spiritual fruit that is contrary to the Fruit of the Holy Spirit --love, joy, peace, patience, etc. (Gal 5:22-23) Developing the fruit of the spirit requires spiritual connection with the One who produces the fruit in us, the Holy Spirit.]
They were always the ‘victim’ of unfortunate circumstances or other people’s actions.
Such people often use their ‘underdog’ status as a shield to avoid criticism and consequences.
3) They manipulate your emotions
Manipulation of emotions is often a go-to strategy for those playing the victim when they’re at fault.
They might use guilt, fear, or sympathy to sway you in their favor. [As I look back on the cases I’m thinking of, I’m not convinced they knew (were rationally aware of) what they were doing. I don’t believe they rationally made this a “go-to strategy”, except in a couple of rare cases where I knew I was being “played”. In those cases, the person doing the “playing” knew it too. Those cases were rare. Again, I see this as a spiritual issue and the victim spirit ‘manipulates’ its victim into defaulting to this behavior.]
According to experts, manipulators often exploit the ‘norm of reciprocity’ – the social expectation that favors should be returned. [The ‘norm of reciprocity’ is a cultural concept and not found in all cultures. It is found in Judeo-Christian based cultures, even though we are to love without expectation of return (reciprocity.) The Golden Rule may be its basis: “Do unto others what you would have others do unto you.” Mt 7:12. Note --the Christian approach is proactive, not reactive or manipulative. A person who partners with a victim spirit is not proactively loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, welcoming, etc. They might wait to see if you are for them or against them. Do you deserve a response? The one who partners with a victim spirit does not easily enter or remain in deep relationships. Their relationships are often shallow and not very long-lasting. Of course, it’s not their fault… ]
By presenting themselves as the victim, they create a sense of indebtedness, making it harder for others to hold them accountable. [For a Christian, this becomes an issue of speaking the truth in love. See below.]
For instance, if they’ve made a mistake, they may start talking about their personal problems or hardships to evoke sympathy.
The intent? To divert attention from their error and make you feel guilty for even considering blaming them. [“Speaking the truth in love” is not a skill highly developed in the Christian world. Speaking the truth in love carries no sense of “blame” or punishment, but a desire to point something out that needs to be addressed for the relationship to improve or become stronger. As Christians our approach is one of love and collaboration, not a desire to find fault. If you cannot approach the issue without any kind of accusatory tone or fault finding, then do not approach the issue until your own heart is right. To get your heart right, you may need to forgive the one who partners with a victim spirit and recognize the battle is not with flesh and blood but with a spiritual entity that you have authority over. Exercising your authority to protect yourself and do spiritual warfare on behalf of the one controlled by the victim spirit is what we call “shifting atmospheres.” You will need to do this daily and practice forgiving 70 times 7 --490 times a day for the same sin or offensive behavior. The whole problem with Christianity is that it is so DAILY. ]
4) They exaggerate their problems
People who play the victim often have a flair for drama. [And they can sound so reasonable… this is why they can easily manipulate their counselor and friends to join them on ‘their side’. Exaggerating something is part of the manipulation behavior and it is nearly always a form of lying.]
They magnify their problems, making mountains out of molehills.
A simple disagreement becomes a full-blown feud, a small mistake is turned into a catastrophic failure, and minor inconveniences are treated as life-altering events.
This exaggeration serves two purposes.
First, it garners extra attention and sympathy.
Second, it paints them as a tragic hero grappling with enormous challenges, diverting focus from their own faults. [I cannot tell you how many times we saw and heard someone I know in my life presenting herself as the tragic hero in a situation. She was so convincing and we took her side! I cannot tell you how many times I have said, “Father, I forgive her. She doesn’t know what she’s doing.” Eventually, we had to draw a boundary with her, which she took as rejection. At that point, the relationship, which we thought was solid and based on mutual love, ended. We became persona non grata in her life.]
Recognizing this behavior can help us keep things in perspective and not get swept up in the drama they create.
Instead, we can respond with empathy, but also with rationality and fairness. [This is the human approach. I recommend a spiritual approach. Ask the Lord for His compassion for the one caught in the victim spirit’s trap. His compassion will empower you to follow Him as He brings about a spiritual change in the sozo guest. Lasting freedom is only possible when the person who partners with a victim (or other evil) spirit recognizes their error and repents. Then they are able to forgive everyone who ever hurt them and renounce every lie they ever believed about their wounding or the ones who wounded them. REMEMBER: Believing a lie empowers the Liar. We renounce lies the Holy Spirit reveals to us. Then the heart is ready to receive the Truth that potentially brings freedom.]
5) They don’t take constructive criticism well [or at all!]
Imagine a scenario where you’re trying to help someone improve or correct a mistake, only to have them react as if you’ve personally attacked them. [This assumes the person asked you to help them. We’re speaking of the ‘gotta wanna’ they must have or your attempts to help them will be deflected, denied, dismissed and even offensive to them. If they become offended, no progress can be made. Do not proceed. Find a way to gently shut the session down. Leave it and move on.]
Sound familiar? This is a common behavior among those who play the victim. [Or partner with a victim spirit. It’s a spiritual issue! It must be dealt with spiritually or no lasting fruit will be produced.]
Constructive criticism is essential for personal growth. It helps us learn from our mistakes and become better versions of ourselves.
But for someone always playing the victim, it’s not seen this way.
They perceive it as an attack, reinforcing their victim narrative. They might become defensive, dismissive, or even hostile.
This can be disheartening, especially when your intention was to help. [A word to the wise here --your good intentions must not be your primary motivating factors when it comes to ministering inner healing and deliverance. A “mercy heart” just wants to help, fix or comfort the afflicted. While we are to love mercy, we are not to blind ourselves to the reality of what’s happening.
Before you enter any kind of deliverance or inner healing ministry, check with the Lord to make sure He’s calling you to it. Without a calling, you can find yourself acting on “good intentions”. You will be rejected, even when you are called, but rejection is dealt with in prayer and giving the pain to Jesus who was wounded for our transgressions. He was bruised for our iniquity. The punishment we deserved was put on Him which released shalom from God. By His stripes, we were healed.
Shalom is our “go to” place of operation. First, connect with Shalom. Then receive grace (heavenly empowerment) to take action, (or stand firm with your armor in place.) Without Shalom, you will not have the grace to release God’s power against the enemy. Shalom speaks of wholeness, well-being, the fullness of your identity in Christ, the Prince of Shalom. Jesus came to sozo (rescue/save, heal, deliver and make us whole) from our sins. This is why we require that you get a personal sozo (at least one!) before you proceed to do sozo ministry with others.]
However, their reaction is less about you and more about their struggle to accept responsibility.
Respond with patience and understanding – it’s not easy, but it’s a step towards fostering healthier interactions.
6) They rarely express genuine gratitude [Gratitude is a virtue that must be developed. It cannot develop in one who partners with a victim spirit.]
I once knew someone who constantly played the victim, and something that stood out was their lack of genuine gratitude.
They’d say “thank you,” but it often felt hollow or perfunctory.
I remember spending a significant amount of time helping them prepare for a job interview.
When they got the job, instead of expressing sincere appreciation, they quickly shifted the conversation to how stressful the new role was going to be and how they were set up to fail.
This lack of gratitude wasn’t isolated to this instance. It seemed like no matter what anyone did for them, it was never quite enough. [“Never enough” is a spiritual root the spirit of fear and victim spirit use to keep this person in bondage. “Never enough” is often found to be a lie believed in childhood when one felt one could never measure up to daddy’s or mommy’s expectations. It can come about in school, when one cannot achieve the level of grades one expects or believes others expect from them. It becomes even more difficult to dislodge when the one partnering with the victim spirit is also partnering with a spirit of perfection.]
This can be a hard pill to swallow, especially when you’ve put in effort to support them.
But it’s important to remember that this behavior is more about their internal struggle than your actions.
Continue to be kind, but ensure you also protect your own emotional wellbeing. [This is good advice. For a Christian, our protection comes from the armor God provides to us (see Ephesians 6) and our daily connection with the Holy Spirit. Ministering to those who partner with a victim spirit or spirit of fear can be emotionally exhausting. Guard your heart (Prov 4:23) and be vigilant when you know you are dealing with a victim spirit. Do not continue a sozo session if the sozo guest is not connecting with the team.]
7) They hold grudges
Grudges and victim-playing often go hand in hand. [The person who partners with a victim spirit may believe lies about forgiving. This is why developing the virtue of forgiveness is difficult for them. For example, “If I forgive them, they’ll get away with it.” “If I forgive them, they’ll just do it to me again.” “If I forgive them, that means I’m wrong and they were right.” This is just a small list of lies I have found that keep people from developing a forgiving heart. 1 Cor 13:5b says “Love keeps no record of wrongs.” To hold a grudge is contrary to God’s heart. Any lie about forgiving must be renounced for Truth to replace it. I forgive because it’s the nature of God in me not to hold grudges. I forgive others because I am not the Judge.]
Those who frequently see themselves as victims tend to remember every slight, real or imagined, holding onto them as further evidence of their victimhood. [This speaks to “keeping a record of wrongs.” Also, the details they remember are often exaggerated.]
They’re quick to remind others about that one time they were wronged, even if the incident has long since been resolved or forgotten by everyone else.
This behavior tends to keep them stuck in the past and prevents them from moving forward. [Scripture instructs us to put the past in the past and move on. Isaiah 43:18-19 "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!" Philippians 3:13-14 "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" 1 John 1:9 "But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness" 2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."]
Understanding this tendency can help us approach these individuals with patience, but also with firmness. [In Sozo Ministry, you must know how to draw firm boundaries to avoid being trapped or caught up in the victim spirit’s influence! Drawing boundaries may result in rejection. You must not allow fear of man or fear of rejection to keep you from doing the right thing. Often when the person partnering with a victim spirit is talking about their past, they are gossiping and trying to draw you into seeing it from their perspective. A modern secular humanist approach is found in the idea that “people need their wounding to be validated.” This causes the counselor or minister to empathize and even begin to feel the pain of the wounded one. This is not healthy. Who validated Jesus’ wounding when He went to the cross? Yet in the deepest physical, mental and emotional pain of His life, He said, “Father, forgive them (the whole human race). They know not what they are doing.” Remember, we are being conformed to His likeness. Like Him, we must learn to say, “I forgive the ones who wounded me. They did not know what they were doing.”]
It’s important to acknowledge their feelings, but also to encourage them to let go of past wrongs and focus on the present. [Don’t get stuck in trying to “validate their feelings”. They cannot let go of their past until they forgive and renounce any lies they have believed about their wounding or the one(s) who wounded them. When they get the Truth and retain it, then they will be free.]
8) They rarely apologize
Perhaps the most telling sign of someone who plays the victim when they’re at fault is their reluctance to apologize.
Saying “I’m sorry” requires acknowledging a mistake, something they’re often unwilling or unable to do.
An apology is more than just words. [Have you ever heard someone “apologize” that you were hurt or offended. They might say, “I’m sorry you were hurt.” Instead of saying, “I am sorry for what I did/said. I know it hurts you. Please forgive me.” Saying “sorry” as they roll their eyes rolls off their tongue like water off a duck’s back. It flows freely but without any heartfelt sincerity or acceptance of blame. A victim cannot develop the virtues of gratitude and forgiveness until they know they are forgiven and valued by God.]
It’s a recognition of fault, an expression of remorse, and a commitment to making things right – all of which contradict the victim narrative.
Final thoughts:
Human behavior is full of contradictions, and the victim mindset is no exception. [It’s a spiritual matter, that requires a spiritual approach. If you cannot see this as a spiritual issue, then your approach to deal with it will be merely human and probably ineffective.]
At its core, it’s often a defense mechanism, a way to cope with insecurities or past wounds. [This is a very accurate statement, again giving insight into how it needs to be handled. When the door of fear is wide open, the person affected by a spirit of fear has no sense of safety or covering. This is often (not ALWAYS) a ‘daddy issue’. They often cannot trust God to protect, defend and provide for them. Their heart is wide open to the victim spirit. In sozo ministry, you may discover you cannot effectively work in the Father Ladder until the 4 Doors are closed.]
Approaching these situations requires a delicate balance. [and a great deal of prayer and courage to set healthy boundaries!]
Empathy is key to understanding where they’re coming from, but boundaries ensure that their behavior doesn’t erode your own sense of fairness or accountability. [A ‘mercy hearted’ person will easily fall under the sway and influence of a victim spirit. I know what I’m speaking of. I pray I have learned to set boundaries to avoid the “erosion of my own sense of fairness or accountability.” In Jesus’ name, amen.]
Change is always possible, but it starts with self-awareness—both theirs and yours. [In Sozo ministry, we believe change is always possible and we approach every sozo with the expectation of miraculous help. It starts with awareness of God’s presence. If Christ is not at the center of all we do, then what we do is merely human at best and might be demonically influenced in the worst cases. When a Christian becomes aware of their personal, never-ending connection with the Godhead --Father, Son and Holy Spirit, the triune God who created us, our Source of life and being, they can begin an exciting journey of discovery of who they are in Christ. This journey is not always easy, but it is always rewarding.
Thank you for taking the time to read this article. If you find anything you cannot agree with or if you have further clarifying comments or questions, please feel free to communicate with me via email.
Pastor Bill Kline
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